Thursday, May 10, 2012
The Hard Truth
I stopped trying to make sense of this quite awhile ago. I remain positive, trying to find the lesson in this; but sometimes it really fucking sucks. There, I said it. I hate having to think about some of the things that have entered my mind. I hate losing my hair, the scars, the rashes, the nosebleeds...vomiting...nausea and endless lethargy. But mostly I hate the look of fear on my son's face. Sometimes I even hate the unwavering hope my husband has. This is cancer. Real life. It's not some melodramatic plot in a movie. It's scary and brutal and in order to beat it you have to give every single ounce of what you have inside. And I will...just not tonight. tonight I will allow myself time to fall apart, to throw shit and cry. I will fight tomorrow and the next day and everyday after that until cancer is the last thing on my mind. Tonight I will just be.