Saturday, June 30, 2012

Sad Cancer Face

What is "Sad Cancer Face" you ask? It is the face people give you when they find out you have cancer or they haven't seen you in awhile and are asking how you feel. It is often accompanied by the "sad shoulder squeeze" or the "that's too bad arm rub". If you or someone you know is guilty of such behavior, stop it now. Know that when you do this to a person battling cancer they are secretly calling you an asshole and using Jedi mind tricks to prevent you from touching them again. I know I do. Don't fucking pity me. I wouldn't give someone a "sorry your husband is cheating on you" face or a "wow your kid is annoying" shoulder squeeze.

And while I'm at it...please don't say the following phrases:
1. Colon cancer? Oh my aunt died from that. Thanks, I didn't realize people died from this! Good to know
2. I don't know how you do it. If I were you I wouldn't be able to leave my bed. Yes you would and you would also be able to brush your teeth and shower...really these things aren't that difficult.
3. What stage are you? If I told you I would just get sad cancer face.
4. Wow, that sucks! You think?? Because I was trying to lose weight anyway so I'm thinking this is a good jump start!
5. Did they say how long you have? No,did the girl at the Krispy Kreme counter tell you how long YOU have...because at almost 300lbs I'm thinking your next one might be your last

There are so many more that I could add but you get the idea.

Go ahead and ask me how I'm doing. But do it without pity. Because chances are, emotionally I'm probably doing a hell of a lot better than most people and physically my boobs have never looked better (the steroids are hitting all the right places) So if you want to give me an appreciative, "damn your rack looks great face", I'll accept that. But please, I beg of you, stop with the sad cancer face or I will possibly strike you and blame it on the meds :-)