I woke up this morning to the sound of the front door closing. Could Sean have gotten himself ready for school without me? Why yes he did! Great start to the day! I had lunch plans with an old friend so I begin to get my ass in motion when out of nowhere the clouds come in and dark thoughts fill my mind. I start to panic because I can't seem to shake them this time. I call my sister and cry hysterically into the phone. I know I'm incoherent and she is telling me to breathe but I can't. I'm crying about Sean and life and death and how this sucks. It takes some time but she successfully talks me down from the ledge. I know I've now ruined her morning. A minute later the phone rings and it's my friend calling to check in. She hears the instability in my voice and asks what's wrong. I start to tell her what I'm thinking and she says, "I'm giving you today and 4 more times to cry about this then you're going to get your shit together." I give her a hearty, "Fuck you, how can you say that to me? I have cancer!" Her response, "Yeah, so did I." Damn, she got me there. We circle back to the importance of staying positive, believing in one's self and having faith. It's enough to at least get me back on track.
Fast forward to lunch...I'm sitting there talking to my friend and updating him on everything that's been going on when I realize something; I have a pretty great life. Do I have cancer? Yes, but that doesn't define me. I also have a phenomenal husband, a son who is happy and pursuing his dreams, great parents, an amazing sister, incredible friends and a beautiful home. I have everything I've ever asked for...WTF am I complaining about? I was seeing things all wrong; allowing fear to block my view of the wonderful things in my life. I love when the universe smacks you in the face! So I call bullshit on those who say if you don't have your health you have nothing. I say if you have love in your life you're doing pretty damn good. Now excuse me while I go bask in my own glory ;-)