Everyone always asks me how I'm feeling but, really, do people want to know the truth? I think they want the sanitized, "I'm doing great" version. Well, the truth is I'm not. This new chemo is unbelievably rough, I've never been more sick in my life. Just imagine for a moment being trapped inside your immobilized body. Your mind makes demands that your body can't carry out. I can't leave my bed for days, I can't walk without assistance and I can barely feed myself due to the neuropathy in my hands. It takes about 5 days for me to even begin to feel normal. I'm weak and I'm nauseous and I fade in and out of consciousness. I can't believe anything this horrific is actually benefitting my body.
I've been told, "well at least you're not throwing up" or "at least you're not in pain." Really? Live one day in my life and then dispense your pearls of wisdom. If I seem angry to you it's because I am. I'm pissed that this is my reality for now. Don't tell me I only have 3 more months of this and expect that to bring me comfort. Thinking about one more hour of this makes me want to curl up in the fetal position and cry.
You want the truth, there it is. Can you handle the truth?