Navigating the rough waters of cancer treatment with sarcasm and fabulosity
Monday, October 1, 2012
Oh The Horror...
I've always been a huge fan of horror movies. Even as a kid, I would read Fangoria magazine and rent the films on their top ten lists. Nothing was ever too gory for me; Texas Chainsaw Massacre, Faces of Death, Hellraiser...I loved them all. I read Stephen King and Clive Barker as bedtime stories. I longed to feel my heart race and my body tense up right before the killer appeared. That was then. Lately, I would much rather see a Judd Apatow or Coen brothers flick. My life needs more humor and far less horror.
When people hear that I'm waiting for test results they always say, "I can't imagine how nervous that must make you." Well, nervous isn't really the word. The only way I can accurately describe the feeling is to ask...have you ever seen a horror movie? Do you know that moment right before the busty coed pulls back the shower curtain and you get those butterflies in your stomach because you don't know what to expect? Yeah, it's kind of like that except multiply it by 1,000 and it lasts for days and never lets up. See, I'm waiting to hear if the killer that lives inside of me is ready to attack again or if he is gone for good. Any fan of the genre knows that even when the killer is supposedly dead there is always that chance he may resurface. I thought he was dead once; I thought the nightmare was over. Then he once again appeared; lurking in the shadows on a scan. I burned him alive. Not wanting to take any chances, every other week I go to Sloan and together we destroy the village he built; house by house, cell by cell. I don't have many weapons left in my arsenal so I'm hoping this one finally did the job. I wonder if for the rest of my life I will always be looking over my shoulder, waiting.
So for the next 5 years, every three months I'm going to pull back that curtain and pray he's not there. But if he is, I will never be that stupid girl who runs and falls. Too often I have watched helplessly as he tortured and killed people I love. I won't go down like that. I'll be the one who is ready for the fight.