She walks in
My hands grip the chair
"Scan looks great", she says
My legs stop shaking and tears begin to fall
She touches my arm
"We're almost there"
But where is there?
Back to the land of the living?
Back to a time when I trusted life?
She can't answer that
I don't expect her to
That is for me to discover
Fear and joy and relief are like whirling dervishes in my mind;
Each taking its turn in the center of the circle
I enter the bright sun and head to my sanctuary
I kneel before God and give thanks
The weight of it all is crushing me
I rest my head on the pew and cry
I don't know what the future holds
But for today, at least
I am alive